we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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