I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
