I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
