New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
