he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
