haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
