He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
