..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
