i cant cry in cvs. not again.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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