nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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