I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
