I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
