A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
