i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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