That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
