There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
