So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
