does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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