Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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