Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
