we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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