She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
