you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
pray to the hookup gods
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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