I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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