i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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