i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
