Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
