did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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