I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
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