I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
