Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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