i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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