that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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