there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
