what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
