Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
