just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
