I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
