butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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