Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
