Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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