So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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