He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
