Im at strip club and am horny
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
