remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
