Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
