never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
