You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
