she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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