She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
