It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
